starter location and replacement what am I doing wrong?

That's because the wire that was left off isn't a ground wire. Hook it up correctly. To the starter solenoid. Big red wire to big lug on starter. Other wire either plugs in or secures with a nut to a terminal on the starter. This guide would help with diagrams below to show you how on your car.

https://www.2carpros.com/articles/how-to-replace-a-starter-motor

Check out the diagrams (Below). Please let us know what happens.

I need to know which wire goes where. can you send me a diagram on which wire connects to what from battery to starter

i have a power wire and a small ground wire and a 3rd thicker ground wire where i am not sure where it gets connected

Do you have a meter or test light? If so, check to see which of the wires gets powered when the key is moved to start. That goes on the starter solenoid. The terminal that the remote starter switch is connected to is the starter solenoid wire.

2006 mountaineer will not turn over relpaced spark plugs tried to dump still no turn over

By 'turn over' do you mean start, or do you mean the starter engaging and rotating the engine?

If the latter, have you had the starter checked? Have you had the battery tested?

the starter is new and battery also when i was starting last it was starting up slow even after starter and batery was replaced

Yes, but in your original post you mentioned that the starter had been hooked up incorrectly, creating an almost direct short for the battery. This could have damaged both starter and battery.

As you can see from the drawings I attached before, there is no ground wire going to the starter. The starter gets its ground by bolting to the engine and transmission.