remote lock/unlock

Have you checked relays?

no what and where is the relay that would control the lights

Check under the hood in the relay block.

what relay runs the lights

Hay,

Exact number I don't know. However, the cover of the relay block should identify what each relay is for. Also, chech your owner's manual. It should have it. If you still can't find it, let me know. I have the same vehicle. I'll see if I can find my owner's manual. It has to be around the house somewhere.

i have a chilton's and the owners manual neither one tells me what relay runs the lights for remote locks and the relay box does not identify what they are for

I will check mine out and let you know what I find.